Sample Chapters from
The Morning Huddle by David Avrin
The book features 40 chapters / essays to get you thinking and your team talking. Here are three of them to whet your appetite!
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Sample Chapter 1
Stop Throwing Others Under the Bus
How often do you throw others under the bus? We certainly don’t want to take the blame for something that wasn’t our fault, but we all shift the blame a little too often — and probably more often than you think. Let’s discuss how and why to avoid this far-to-common behavior
So, a delivery is delayed, a size is wrong, a meal gets mixed-up or an order arrives incomplete. Things happen, but you are the one that gets the call or find yourself face-to-face with the frustrated customer or impatient client. Your first instinct is to tell the truth, of course.
“I’m so sorry. The shipping department keeps screwing this up.” Or “The kitchen is a little overwhelmed. I really apologize that some of the meals are going out wrong.” Or “Someone in the warehouse grabbed the wrong item. I’m really sorry.”
You tell the customer you understand how frustrated they must be, (as we’ve all been trained to say) and set about to fix the problem. Seems like a logical and appropriate way to handle the situation, right? Not necessarily.
Anytime we shift the blame (even it it was their fault) what we’re really saying is: “It wasn’t my fault. Don’t blame me.” Of course we get to be the hero for fixing the problem, but we’ve also diminished our company and denigrated our brand in the process.
We don’t look like a team. We don’t look like we have each others’ back. We look like we are all out for ourselves and trying to save-face in that moment.
Realize that, in this moment, all of this is about you and none of this is about the customer. But of course it’s customer who has the problem needing to be solved. Get your ego out of it.
Lest you think I am immune, I too have found myself succumbing to this “easy-out” behavior.
So, I used to lead CEO roundtable groups for Vistage international. (the world’s leading CEO organization) I had an open seat and was evaluating a new prospects looking to join my CEO group. I’ll call him “Mike.” This was our third meeting and we had a good fit and I assumed he was going to sign the agreement and join our group when we met.
So, I arrived for our scheduled meeting after entering his office and he closed the door behind me.
He sat behind his desk and started explaining that he had been struggling a bit that week with a staff problem. He found out that his customer service staff and administration staff were “bad-mouthing” each other. Worse yet, they were complaining about each other in conversations with customers.
He explained that when a customer called with a complaint about their bill, or the service that had been provided, a staffer from Admin would say that the Customer Service department had clearly dropped the ball. Or Customer Service would throw Admin under-the-bus by blaming them for whatever the problem was. He was struggling with how best to confront the situation.
So, Mike turns to me and says: “Then I got this voice mail message last Friday,” and he turned to the phone on his desk, hit the “Speakerphone” button and began to dial. To my surprise, the voice on the recording was mine.
“Hi Mike,” I said. “This is David Avrin and yes, you are correct, the meeting place listed in the e-mail invitation for our next group meeting was wrong. Some ‘Bone-Head’ from the corporate office sent out the wrong location.”
Then, without ever taking his eyes off of me, Mike pressed a button on the phone rewinding it slightly.
“Some Bone-Head from the corporate office...”
Click.
“Some Bone- Head from the corporate office...”
Click.
“Some Bone-Head from the corporate office...”
I sat speechless as Mike leaned back in his chair, and after a brief pause, looked at me and said:
“So here’s my dilemma Dave. I’m looking for an executive coach to help me become a better leader and deal with issues such as how to confront poor internal behavior, and this message is what I received from my leading candidate. What do I do with this?”
All I could do was nod knowingly, acknowledging that everything he was saying was true and the concern he expressed was richly-deserved. I screwed-up – big time. Not just because my poorly-considered, off-hand comment had violated my relationship with a valued corporate partner, but because I had damaged my credibility with someone I respected and was hoping to earn his respect in return. It was careless and no one’s fault but my own.
In that moment, I knew the worst thing I could do was to attempt an excuse, or try to talk around the massive “elephant” in the middle of the room. Instead, I acknowledged what we both knew to be true. I screwed up. I offered my apology and told him that he was right to call me out on my poor behavior and that I knew that it had damaged my credibility.
Now, as I flash-back to my frustrated state when I made the phone call to Mike following this screwed-up e-mail blast, I realize that my remarks were simply a poorly-considered, knee-jerk reaction (emphasis on “Jerk”) to a situation that I feared would damage his perception of me and our organization. A wrong location had been listed in an email. Instead, it was MY actions that diminished our credibility. So, once again, all I could do was apologize.
By the way, He ultimately did join a CEO roundtable group — just not mine.
Any of us can fall into the trap of shifting or ascribing blame, whether or not it’s deserved.
I’m not suggesting lying to customers as to who was to blame. I’m saying that in most cases, it’s irrelevant to the customer, so why even go there? They just want to know that their concerns are heard, will get addressed and that we will take steps to make sure it doesn’t happen again.
Don’t throw your coworkers under the bus. It doesn’t make you look good. In fact, often it’s just the opposite.
Here’s Why You do it: I think it goes all the way back to our childhood. When our brother or sister did something wrong, sometimes punishment from mom or dad was swift and harsh. “I’m not taking the blame for something that I didn’t do,” we insist. But in business, we have to resist the urge to deflect. Worry less about blame and more about helping your customers get their problem resolved.
Here’s why we hate it: As customers, we don’t care who did what. Seriously. We don’t care if your hands are clean. We just want the issue resolved, the order delivered, the call returned or the part to fit right. Your shifting blame just makes more parts of your company look bad and we’re already frustrated!
Here’s a better approach: Worry about what went wrong after you address the problem. We do have to make sure that we document and correct issue so they don’t become reoccurring problems, but that’s out of sight of your customers and handled after we get our customers what they need.
Let’s change our mindset and our language. At the end of the day, things happen. People get that. We just don’t want to make it worse by further reducing their perception of our competency by making others on our team look bad for what is often just an honest mistake.
Telling the truth isn’t always the best policy when the truth is irrelevant. Focus on the solution and let our coworkers retain their dignity and help your company retain its reputation.
Sample Chapter 2
Happy to See You
Did you ever notice that we tend to like people who like us? I don’t mean people who are like us, but people who actual like us. It’s hard to not like them back. I want to talk about the profound effect that liking your customers, and being grateful for their business has on their behavior.
When our daughter Sierra was little, she learned very early that the world was a very friendly place. Her mom would dress her up with little hats and head bands and bows. In fact, I don’t think she ever left the house without something in her hair that perfectly matched the rest of her outfit. Of course, people would smile and “ooh” and “ahhh” and make a big fuss over her. She saw nothing but smiles all day, every day, and it had a big effect on how she saw the world. To Sierra, people were always smiling and kind and friendly, and she responded in-kind.
As a toddler, I remember she would confidently march 10 feet in front of us as we walked though the mall or at the park and would smile, and wave and say “Hi.” “Hi.” at everyone who walked by. It was hilarious. People would be taken aback by this confident little girl and of course, they would smile and wave back. “Oh, Hi!”
To this day, now in her mid twenties, and with a successful career in digital media, Sierra is still that bright light with a positive spirit that people are just drawn to. She likes people and they certainly like her.
Sierra learned a phenomenal lesson very early in life — It’s the lesson from that wonderful song by Louis Armstrong, “When you’re smiling, the whole world smiles with you.”
We’re drawn to people with that energy, and people, like people that like them.
For those who are pet owners, you know that profound excitement and love shown by your pet when you come home after being out for a while — even if you’re gone for just 5 minutes! Tail waging and wet kisses and this unabashed excitement that says, “I’m so happy to see you. I missed you! I love you!”
And what’s our response? It’s the same right back! “Well, hi there. Yes. I know. I missed you too!
It’s reciprocal. It feels good to know that someone likes you and missed you and is grateful for you.
It’s the same in business. We know where we’re welcome, and appreciate and we appreciate being appreciated. Then again, we know when we’re not, or when the other is disinterested or disconnected. And that’s ok, but it’s certainly not preferable.
I was coaching a client recently on creating video messaging for his business and in the middle of taping a segment, I stopped and asked him if he was having fun. And he said “Yes.” This is awesome!” And I said, “Then tell your face!”
There is something apparent and visceral about knowing that someone is glad to see you or happy to hear from you. You see it in their eyes and hear in their voice. It’s authentic and magnetic. They like us, and we like people who like us.
Now, please don’t dismiss that as simple customer service. “Make sure you smile at everyone!” That’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying that authentic gratitude is tangible and shows in our behavior and attitude.
Do your customers know that you’re grateful for their business? I guess a better question is: Are you grateful for their business? And not just the ownership of your company, but everyone in the organization. Do you keep top-of-mind the reality that we exist, that we continue to operate profitably, only because our customers choose us over our competition?
My speaker colleague Lenora Billings-Harris talks often about the African philosophy of “Ubuntu.” Which loosely translated means: “I am because we are.” That our individual identity comes through our collective humanity. That we exists and thrive because of our connection to others.
I think that it the essence of a successful business as well. Our recognition of the importance of the customers that we attract and serve and the sense of connection that we foster. And that recognition, that gratitude, can make others feel welcome and appreciated. Without it, we fail to thrive.
In a competitive marketplace, who do you think is the preferable choice? Those who effectively sell to us and provide for us and deliver, or install or ship to us?or…those who do all of those things, but ALSO get us, and appreciate us and connect with us…and show it!
Both are certainly competent and likely priced competitively, but there is something gratifying about supporting businesses with people who are likable and show us appreciation.
I think one of the most inspiring sentiments is that very famous passage from the Anne Frank, where she writes: “In spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart.”
Do you look at people that way? Despite our divisions and a contentious world, do you see others as good people, doing the best they can to support their families and live a meaningful life?
I heard someone say once that “every person in the world is the most important person in the world…to someone.” See that person. The one that others like and love. There’s a lot to like in most people, and if you take the time to see them and let them know how much you appreciate them and their business, you’re more likely to like the person you’re discover. (And they’ll likely like you back.)
Here’s why you do it: We don’t often take the time to really get to know our customers, because there’s often little time to get to know our customers. Work is called work for a reason and there’s a lot of work to get done. Of course, we like our customers, but a higher level of connection is just impractical in most cases.
But here’s why we hate it: Ok, we probably don’t hate it. But the opposite of love isn’t hate…its indifference. If we want to be more than effectively transactional, we have to be more than simply good at what we do. We have to be really good at making our customers feel welcome and appreciated.
Here’s a better approach: Look past the pressures of your day and consciously see your customers as the complex, interesting and human people that they are. Seeing something likable in people changes how we see them and that changes our approach and our behavior — even in subtle ways. And that gets noticed and rewarded with similar feelings and repeat business.
Making an organizational decision to overtly show appreciation to your customers isn’t manipulative. It’s just nice. Gratitude shows in your attitude. Making the effort to see people as good, is a magnet for those who appreciate others who take the time to see them and yes, like them. Of course, it makes everything better in your life as well. It makes for a better day.
Sample Chapter 3
Crossing the Conversation Line
It’s been said for generations that business is about relationships. We do business with people we know and like and, connect with. But when do our conversation with our connections cross a line? How personal is too personal and how can we be our authentic selves without jeopardizing our business relationships? Let’s swim through those murky waters together.
People who see me speak at a conference have admitted to wondering if I’m that same irreverent, bold guy off-stage, or if that’s just my on-stage persona. I hope they’re not disappointed to learn that this is me…most all the time. Of course, off-duty I’m most often in jeans, or shorts and super-hero t-shirt. But I made the decision a long time ago to be consistent and authentic. This is me.
But it’s not all of me. Does that make sense? Everything you see and hear coming out of my mouth on stage and on my videos is me and true and what I honestly believe. That said, I don’t share everything that I think and feel and believe.
I have opinions about issues just like everyone else does. I have political and religious beliefs and sports teams I follow, and celebrities I can’t stand and fashion I think is ridiculous, but I don’t share all of that publicly.
Why? Because I have a family to support and employees who rely on me for income. Some people will undoubtedly disagree with my opinions, and that’s ok, but why bring those conversations into professional relationships that have nothing to do with my personal preferences?
I’ve seen too many instances with clients’ staff, where customer relationships begin to morph into personal friendships. And while deepening relationships are certainly fulfilling — especially when it’s someone that you find yourself really liking on a personal level — (I’m not talking about romantic feelings. That’s a whole different conversation) but real friendships with great people. I’m suggesting that we can’t lose sight of the fact that the business dynamics the relationship is based on, has to take precedence.
This is first and foremost a relationship forged on commerce and we can’t confuse it with a personal friendship. That’s important because any falling-out, or disagreement we might have, will adversely affect the revenue of our company. People have lost clients over personal issues, and as an employee, you are on the clock. This relationship began with the goal of a financial transaction, don’t let it go off-course!
To be clear, I’m not suggesting that we can’t forge meaningful relationships with co-workers, customers and clients, but we have to be conscious of the lines surrounding our conversations.
When we start getting a little too comfortable and make comments about a public figure and make an assumption about the political leanings of our client based on earlier comments, we run the risk, (a 50/50 risk) that they will believe otherwise. Now we’ve just inserted tension into a relationship that was entirely unnecessary. And none of this has anything to do with our business!
When we get overly comfortable and admit to a crush on a celebrity, or comment on the appearance of someone walking by or worse yet, a coworker, we have crossed a big line! Of course, having thoughts or opinions is perfectly normal. It’s human, but we’re not at a barbecue with our neighbors, or watching a ball game with our friends. Business is different. It has to be different and the lines between appropriate and inappropriate conversations are far less grey than they used to be.
To be honest, I struggle with this every day. Not about being inappropriate,
but about being too comfortable and casual with business connections. I have phenomenal conversations with my clients who are often really brilliant and wonderful people!
When I get off stage after presentation, people are so nice to me! They compliment me and smile at me and often want to tell me their stories after hearing my stories on stage. Everyone wants to talk to me like I’m their best friend. I love people and I love talking to people. I am a true extrovert. It’s one of the best things about my job. Yes, travel can be exhausting, but I meet so many really wonderful people!
A the same time, I also always have to have this active conversation in my head that balances both content and context. The content is what I’m discussing with someone. The context is the venue and my surroundings and who else is around us and the reminder that I don’t really know this person and I can’t talk to them like I would to my wife or my brother of my best friends. This is hard for me, because I love to talk to people.
But I do this for a living. This is my livelihood. My clients are my clients and the audience members may be friendly, but they aren’t my friends. Just one misinterpreted comment or action from the hundreds I may engage with at an event, could come back to bite me.
Once again, authentic engagement and comfortable conversation is at the foundation of every beneficial business relationship, but watch the line. There are subjects that families avoid at Thanksgiving and there are subjects and opinions that we should avoid discussing at work and with clients and coworkers
Why we do it:
What’s better than hanging out with friends? There are so many things we have to do in this life. We need balance. The balance is the things we get to do. When we connect with someone, someone like us is so many ways, we forge friendships. But when that friendship involves the exchange of money for goods and services, we have to draw some parameters.
Why we hate it:
Who wants to put artificial limits on a personal connection? We know them. They’re awesome! They’re just like us. Right? Well, maybe — and maybe not. Any disagreement, conflict, misinterpreted comment, offense remark or overly personal revelation has the potential of interfering with the exchange, and future exchange of dollars between you. This is business relationship and people’s livelihoods are dependent on the ongoing business transactions.
Here is a better approach:
Be professional. Remember that being on-the-clock or on-duty means that you’re being paid to interact with your coworkers and clients.
We spend a third of our life at work and we should be a great coworker and make wonderful connections with customers and clients, but don’t over-interpret a smile or a laugh or a conversation. This isn’t high school. There are plenty of people to be friends with where you can let you guard down…after work and on the weekends. There’s just too much at stake to risk your reputation and your job by being too much…you.
Be authentic. Be engaging and be friendly, but remember, this is your business and your livelihood. Be professional.
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